One Woman's True Story -- Choose Love, Choose Life

I received this letter in the mail and asked the writer if I could post her story on our blog to possibly encourage someone facing an unplanned pregnancy.

The choices we make do matter. Some 27 years ago, I chose not to bring my first child into this world. I live with that decision every day.  While I know that God has forgiven me, I still wonder whether I have a son or daughter in heaven with Jesus.

I felt the need to write my story, perhaps to benefit someone like me.  I wanted to have my child and was surprised and glad when I found out I was pregnant.   My child’s father was not. I was young and did not understand the precious gift that God had given us.  Faith in God was not a part of life then; I had heard of God as a child, but was not taught about Him, nor did I understand that God is love.

My bad choices did not stop with the death of my unborn child, but rather contributed to a chain reaction of sorrowful deeds, including suicide attempts and the feeling that I was losing my mind. I cannot begin to explain to you how this “choice” robbed me of peace and joy.

At first I thought of the abortion as just a procedure.  I went into the clinic pregnant and came out not-pregnant.  I went to work the following day as though nothing had happened to me.  It was later when it hit me hard.  Several years later, when I was happily pregnant, I thought I was having a miscarriage and I was sure God was punishing me for aborting my first child.  That’s not how God works (but I didn’t know that then).  I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy and four years later I was blessed again with my second son.

When my second son was about a year old I had a break down.  At one point, I walked the streets of a large city for a day and a half, afraid to go home, for fear that my presence would cause harm to my family if they looked at me.    I remember holding a piece of cardboard in front of my face as strangers passed me by, I wanted to protect them from looking at me, because I believed that my sins would transfer over to them and I didn’t want that to happen.

Over the years I have had feelings of confusion, fear and guilt.  I have been in and out of mental institutions more than a dozen times in two different states.  My point is this…abortion is not just a choice…it is a child.  If I could say anything to someone considering abortion, it would be to please consider making an adoption plan for your child.  I have a nephew that we all adore, my sister and her husband were not able to have children of their own, and God gave them a precious child through adoption.  My nephew’s biological parents bravely chose life and placed their son into my sister’s arms.  What an unselfish act of love -- a true picture of God’s love and Jesus’ heart. 

I have asked the Lord to forgive me for having that abortion and I know there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, but if I could change that day, THAT CHOICE, I would.  I would cherish my child and raise him myself or place him with a loving family through adoption.  I know that not every pregnancy is planned or even wanted, but the child is a gift from God for someone.  Abortion might seem like the answer to your situation, but please think carefully before you do it.  An abortion cannot be reversed.  You must live the rest of your life with your choice.

In closing remember God loves you and your unborn child and He cares about your decision.  God promises to never leave you nor forsake you.  

Pray and place your faith and trust in the Lord today and ask for the courage to choose life for your child. 

Motherhood by Teddie O'Neill

Sometimes I wonder who took the “M” out of Mother, leaving “Others” to raise our children.  It seems that in our modern definition of motherhood, the child’s need for connection has been overlooked.

Can you put into words what makes a woman a mother?  Or what makes her a good mother?  Is it simply giving birth to a child or adopting a child?  These are interesting questions and hard to answer.  Today these definitions of motherhood and what makes a good mother have “evolved” in order to fit the modern woman in America, as she adapts to her fast changing world.

Still we see so many problems with our children today and wonder why.  Parents blame the influences of other kids, teachers, the Internet, and the fact that kids today grow up in a drug culture.  Teachers blame the parents.  The truth is that the problems that our kids have come from a lot of sources.  Most kids today feel emotionally abandoned, as they don’t have any place where they feel safe.

The problem is that while the whole world’s belief system is in constant flux, the basic make-up of the baby hasn't changed.  Today’s newborn has the same needs his great grandmother had when she was born.  His natural instinct for his mother is formed in the womb as he grows from her, he hears her voice, and is shielded by her body from the world in a mysterious all-consuming way.  This bond, created by absolute dependency on the child’s part, is further enhanced after birth, as his senses identify her as his divine life giver.  Instinctively, he knows his survival depends on her both while in the womb and out of the womb.   Once born, he has an innate need to continue to bond securely with her in order to become a secure adult.

Bennett Olshaker, M.D. (The Child as a Work of Art), agreed that it’s important for the infant to have a “close, dependable loving relationship with a ‘care taking person’ He pointed out that only the mother has been provided ‘with the biological capacity to carry the infant before birth and to feed the baby with her own body after delivery.  James Dobson, family psychologist, in a recent radio program about gangs in America said that the lack of nurturing in a child’s life produces an actual chemical change in the brain.  Emotionally, such a child learns he cannot trust anyone to care for him.   Consequently, he will grow up unable to care for others and most importantly, a child who has not bonded with his mother won’t develop a conscience.

So how does the bonding process work?  The process takes time in order for the child to bond well with his mother.  But this is a two way process, as the mom needs to bond securely to her new baby as well. Many assume that she is naturally bonded through the birth process.  However, that is not true.

The new mother needs quality and quantity time with her newborn to insure her relationship with her new baby is one possessing the qualities of a strong and passionate connection, rather than just the caretaker. 

Breastfeeding is a tool that the Lord has given her (if she is able) to help this process along.  While feeding her baby, the mother must sit down and have intimate periods of time throughout the day and night alone with her baby.  It is a good beginning.

 It is through this process of bonding that the Lord changes both the mother and the baby.  For the mother, her character is transformed in a way that enables her to be selfless, loyal, committed, and passionate concerning her newborn’s wellbeing, transcending her personal desires.  Her child now has a secure fortress where he knows he is safe and loved. A place he can turn to in times of trouble.

It is when a child senses he has such a relationship with his mother that he will ultimately be able, as an adult, to separate from her as a secure individual, able to give out from his wholeness, rather than taking from his neediness.  Truly, motherhood is the most important ministry in the world. 

Theodore Roosevelt understood this concept succinctly when he stated, “If the mother does not do her duty, there will either be no next generation, or a next generation that is worse than none at all.”